[IP] Authenticating to the Georgia DMV
Delivered-To: dfarber+@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2004 12:05:42 -0500
From: Rob Carlson <rob@xxxxxxxx>
Subject: Authenticating to the Georgia DMV
To: Dave Farber <dave@xxxxxxxxxx>
For IP, the author gave me permission to forward this to the list with
a link.
http://tequilamockingbird.blogspot.com/
2004_01_01_tequilamockingbird_archive.html#107469525200926236
1.21.2004
conversations with dmv employees
by tequila mockingbird
welcome to geico! in order to finish processing your request for
a new auto policy, we need the following information:
- your georgia driver?s license number
please contact us with this information so we can complete your
request.
huh. my georgia driver?s license number. well. that?s something. my
georgia driver?s license number. no idea what that could be.
see, i don?t have a georgia driver?s license number anymore. mostly
because i do not have a georgia driver?s license anymore. i have a
maryland driver?s license. and, when you get your maryland driver?s
license, you have to surrender your old license. that?s the term they
use. ?surrender.? i love it. it sounds so dramatic. like you?re making
some huge sacrifice. surrender! i surrender my license to you, oh lord
baltimore.
so, you can see how it might be impossible for me to give them my
georgia driver?s license number.
?thank you for calling geico, how may i help you??
?i received an email from you guys asking for my old driver?s license
number. from the state i used to live in. but, i don?t have that
license anymore?is that something i can authorize them to release to
you, or do you know what i?ll need to do??
?what state was it??
?georgia.?
?ooohhh. yeah. they won?t give that to us. Yeah, georgia won?t release
that information to us. you?ll have to contact the georgia dmv and get
that from them. they won?t release that to us.?
?so, they won?t release that to you??
what? i couldn?t resist.
?no. just give them a call.?
?okay, thanks.?
now, there are few things in this world that i dread more than anything
involving the words ?department of motor vehicles.? maybe things
involving the word ?colon? or ?pierce.? but it?s really too close to
call.
?georgia department of motor vehicles.?
okay, right there?notice the total absence of any phrase even remotely
resembling ?may i help you?? not even ?how may i direct your call.? not
even ?what the hell do you want?? nothing.
?i?m a former georgia resident, and i surrendered [so dramatic!] my
georgia license when i moved to maryland. i?m getting new insurance,
and they need my georgia driver?s license number. so, do you guys have
that on record??
?uh huh.?
?great! wonderful! okay, what will i need to do in order to get that
information? i went to your web site but i didn?t see an option to
request my driving records online?.?
?you need to come in to the office and we?ll just tell it to you.?
i?m pretty sure i mentioned that part where i moved to maryland. and,
furthermore ?we?ll just tell it to you? doesn?t sound very?official.
?well, coming in to the office might be a bit tough for me?i?m in
maryland now. so??
[silence]
?so??
[silence]
?so?uh?is there another option for me to get that information??
?i can mail it to you.?
i?m not trying to be ugly here when i say that i?ve seen the lightning
speed with which governmental agencies tend to operate. i?ve been a
state government employee. it?s glacial. you can put sod on your ass
and grow tulips faster than you can get something in the mail from the
department of motor vehicles.
?how about faxing? can i fax the request to you and then get the
information via fax??
?no.?
?no??
?no. it?s not secure. we don?t have any way of knowing where we?re
faxing it to.?
i?m just not up for a fight. it?s the dmv. it?s like the borg in star
trek: resistance is futile.
?okay, i guess we?ll just do mail then. is there a form i can print off
and fill out and send in??
?i don?t need a form. just give me your address.?
so, i give her my mailing address, and wait. what am i waiting for? i?m
waiting for her to ask me my social security number. or my date of
birth. or even the address i lived at in georgia. something. anything.
?okay. i?ll send that out to you.?
?wait.?
and i?m torn. do i ask questions that might antagonize the borg,
thereby ensuring that i never receive my information? never. ever.
ever. i don?t want to make it angry, or give it the impression that i?m
somehow opposed to assimilation, but i?m just sure that she must have
forgotten something. i mean, how can she know which one of me i am?
like, what if there is more than one person with my name she didn?t
even ask for my middle name.
how can she be sure this is really me asking for the information?
i can?t stand it.
?excuse me, but i?m a little confused.?
?confused??
?well, sort of, yes. i mean, i don?t really understand how this is more
secure than maybe faxing it to me. i mean, i just gave you an address
it could be any address. i could give you a fax number, and it could be
any fax number, so i guess i just don?t understand why we can?t?i mean,
i don?t understand how this is better. or more secure.?
?so, is that a fake address or something? that one you gave me.?
?no, it?s not, i mean?what i was trying to say was??
oh, forget it. that?s what the voices in my head are screaming. just
forget it. but the voice coming out of my mouth just keeps right on
going.
??and, i guess i also don?t understand how you can figure out who i am.
or be sure i am really me. i mean, don?t you need to know something
that will help you find me in the system? i mean, all you have is my
name?just my first and last name. not even my middle name.?
[silence]
?that?s a good point. okay?how about you give me your georgia driver?s
license number and i could look you up that way.?
--
Rob Carlson rob@xxxxxxxx http://vees.net/
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